What will people think?

Author's note, the past 6 months have been a wild ride, met a lot of people, learnt a lot of things, gave up on a lot of things I never thought I would. So the thing is, this blog has been in my drafts since the second week of December I guess, one of my friends read it and thought it wasn't up to it. I know that quality is subjective. Keep me in your prayers, I never meant to post this but I feel like it would relate to a lot people. I have not written is so long because I have my finals coming up and I am almost done with my Bachelors. I didn't change anything from what I had written, the draft is still the same, excuse my language. I am honestly sorry if my language makes any of the readers uncomfortable, however, that's the last of my F bombs. I will do better next time. Once again extremely sorry for the use profanity. I know better, but the capture of emotions is surreal so I let it be. On a final note, I kinda deleted all my socials and have no way of promoting this, if it is to your liking then please share with your friends and colleagues. Thank you.

04/06/2021

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 19/12/2020

Standing on the shoulders of giants, a society that consists of intellects through and through, the bunch of people who are always known throughout the rest of the communities for the amazing hospitality that they provide, a community that contributes to most of its proteges to become doctors, lawyers and engineers, however this community that should have progressed as far as the imagination could possibly reach, decided that it would wield "Ignorance" as both its shield and as its spear. Shattering the dreams of its children the ones they bore and the ones their neighbors did, the toxicity that is in the presence of this crowd is absurd. Its been passed down generation by generation like it is some sort of family relic.

The brown community also known as the "Dog eat dog world" of the 21st century. Where everyone is set out to hunt. Their preys being the neighbor, their relatives and it could also be some random kid they see on the streets of Colombo or wherever the fuck. These vile life forms do not stop ever, to these clogs society the location doesn't even matter, hey as long as you ruin someone's life just to feed your fragile ego, it's a win. I hope you're proud of yourselves.

The shittiest most feeling any kid anywhere in the world could feel is,"why am I not good enough even for my own parents?". A ton of kids go through this, throughout the rest of their lives only to end up hating their parents. Honestly these are some of the great kids but not all of them excel in everything, you can't expect a child to do well in school, in athletics, in the sports team and extra tuition. The child grows up to hating himself and his parents and the society that made this a norm. The amount of pressure that is forced upon a brown child is unreasonable. I mean why? All because parents' want to brag about their kids to their family and friends. I mean there is nothing wrong with being so proud of your kids.Honestly if you give them a chance to fucking talk back to you for a whole day you would end up murdering them. The amount of pressure forced upon could never ever be justified. It might lead him to having a brighter future, but a brighter future is never the same as a happier one. Most of the parents are at fault because they "think" they know what is best for them, but they would never get down to the level of their kids and ask them what the kids really want. STOP FUCKING DECIDING FOR THEM AND ASSIST THEM IN THE DECISIONS THEY MAKE. Supportive parents have a huge ass impact in the lives of their kids and their well-being and it is such an underrated blessing.

But here's the worst part, its not just kids, its adults and married men and women. Its this sense of helplessness, this feeling of insignificance, where you honestly think a 100 times over just to make a decision that genuinely makes you happy, but would piss of your Baby Auntie. FUCK BABY AUNTIE, FUCK HER KIDS AND HER HUSBAND AND HER PARENTS AND HER SIBLINGS. FUCK THE WHOLE LINEAGE. Every single person has somehow had their fair share or is linked to this so called "BROWN CURSE". Why in the world do we feel like we owe so much to people who barely who give a fuck about us when we die? Why in the world is it always in the back of our heads? This constant queefing that has no hope of ending. How are we so free, but somehow everything else is weighing us down, preventing us from spreading our wings? The most disgusting part is, somehow we aren't even the victims here, it directly affects our parents. So the domino effect being for us to fall, they bring down our parents, tirelessly working towards the demise of a poor family with a lethal combination of low blows which is widely known as "I mean it is not the kids' fault, the parents should have known better". Like what? Are you fucking shitting me right now?

Almost everything is a hassle, you can't even walk in peace without those judgemental eyes shooting you down. From the way you dress, to how you look, from your haircut, to your earrings, the shoes you wear, the jeans you have on, the color of you fucking wrist watch to the color of your fucking frames of glasses you have, to how you study, what you study, where you study, with whom you study, how you work, why you work, where you work, why you work for a lower wage, why you get paid higher even though you put in less but complicated work, how you travel to work, how you get married, is it big enough, is it too small, how are the grooms'/brides' family, how well off are they, how much are they struggling, what the fuck you name your kids, where in the fucking hell you own, rent or build a God damn house, where your kids go to school, and it just keeps going on and on in an endless motherfucking God forsaken judgemental crazy ass loop. I see no end to it. So one might say "why do you even a give twelve shite about these vultures?" Remember the low blows bro "I mean it is not the kids' fault, the parents should have known better". 

You might think these are serious issues, well they are, but lets go in deep and make ourselves feel even shittier. I will be addressing the brown community as the "Toxic mf" from here on out.

Talking about obsessions, the obsession the toxic mfs have with darker skin tone folks are preposterous. I mean seriously though the guys are kind of kinda better off here, the obsessive toxic mfs target our women, who have a darker skin tone compared to the rest of their toxic cunty relatives. I mean hell even if one their own sons marry a darker skin tone woman, they fucking despise these daughter in laws of theirs. This has been rooted into depths of our society, making our women feel so insecure of the color of their skins, making our women feel so insignificant, you have no idea how mad it makes me right now. FUCK!!!!!!!!!!! The worst part is these aren't even white people, these are the same brown skin toned people with a lighter skin color complex.

So our women (darker skin tone women) take it upon themselves to try on variety of "skin whitening" products to "whiten" themselves for the better.. Because they were never really taught to love themselves for who and what they are. Our women grew up thinking that the love they got was the one that they deserved. Nothing says toxic more than " Baba Sudui dha?" "Is the baby white?".The amount of toxic mfs that have destroyed the lives of our women is insurmountable. How can one know better? When all society has been doing is telling our women they aren't "pretty" enough.But here we are, as Swamiji Gehan Blok once said "We are bloody still stuck in the fucking stone age".

See what my problem is who the fuck decided to define our women with "beauty". Our women are brave, strong, bold, kind, smart, resilient, adorable, accepting, affectionate, adventurous, fun, funny, elegant, emotional, enchanting, mature, majestic, mischievous, flawless, breath taking, daring, reserved and wild and intuitive. I could go on like this non stop. But hey what does it matter, she is not a person if she doesn't have lighter skin. The discrimination is something that is never spoken about. Because toxic mfs never really look past what it really means to be a darker skin tone woman, they had it rough man and these queens need the attention and respect they deserve.  

I am so mad now I need to cool the fuck down, I think I am make and have some plain chai. 

I am back now. God that was a good plain tea. I am really good at making tea. Phew. 

Okay, ya'll might say "not all of us like this". I mean I get that the isolated ones from the society barely bat an eye. All you wanted was peace and to get away these toxic mfs, which is understandable. But the thing is that you ran away. You never really stood up to yourselves and how that makes you look. Isolation makes you a free for all target. But the shit these toxic mfs say somehow get to you too. That is why I want you to stand up for yourself and so that shit doesn't get to you anymore. All I want for you to be is at peace my friend.

I have left out on certain things like honor killings, disowning children, how men are pushed down on a path of self demise and eventually suicide, how brown families barely give a fuck about mental health, battling addiction and the other sorts of extreme. Because I don't think I could finish talking about all of it. Ever.

On a brighter note, some of us, the millenials and gen z have been making changes within themselves. Taking into practice "true change comes from within". As teenagers and young adults, growing up as we did, somehow we understand what it really means to bring change about, what it really means to accept someone for who they are, what it really means to actually love someone for themselves and not discriminate them for their skin color. What is is like for one to be heard, all that angst that has been locked up inside, what it is like to pour it out. We all want to give our kids what we never had as kids. Freedom. Deciding for themselves, allowing them to make decisions that make them to have a happy present and a happy future and allowing them to put themselves and their mental health first.I believe that we as a generation could bring change and rid our society from this toxic mess that has clouded us over.

Ayubo Nikolas, The Four Judgemental Faces.

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On a further note, I have always been blessed with supportive parents who listen to me, to what I have to say and even up till now in life I had did whatever the fuck I wanted to do. I will continue to do so and I pray to God, that they continue to support me and be there to see me succeed in life. They have never compared me to people, they throw my fuck ups right in my face, which is maybe why I am so humble *wink*. But the point is if you have difficult parents, communicate with them, help them understand. They aren't psychic they can't possibly read your minds. Like I said they might "think" they know what you want, but if it isn't help them understand. They genuinely want what is best for you.